World's Deadliest Matchmaker
by Iyeshana
Summary: Emmett Cullen has an attraction to a human girl named Natasha. Everything just seems to be a complication of being a vampire, until he realizes that Alice has been playing matchmaker. And that's not the half of it.
1. Fat Chance!

The graduates were welcomed back to Forks High School for a quick reception before the permanent end of their High School career. It was only August, and most of the kids there were too excited about leaving school to really care about university. If Alice, Edward, and Bella weren't supposed to be "graduating", he wouldn't even have come. Since Carlisle and Esme got off for some stupid work conference, why couldn't he skip off? And Rosalie was fixing up some old car...

They were just outside the gym entrance when Alice, Edward, Bella, Emmett and Jasper saw a familiar face. A girl that Emmett just couldn't let go. In fact, she was driving him crazy.

Emmett was having the same problem as Edward. He had a strange attachment to a teenage girl. It wasn't that he didn't love Rose, but their relationship had always been more "physical" than spiritual.

The human girl had dark hair, dyed some time ago by the colour. She had one long piece of black hair in the front. That entised him, because he had always longed for Rose to have a rebellious quality.

He remembered how he had bugged Edward for his attachment to the clumsy girl. Now Edward was picking on him.

"You can't have her, Emmett. You'll eat her alive."

"Good thing Rosalie isn't here," Alice whispered. Jasper covered her mouth.

"Maybe he can have her, Edward. It worked out for us," Bella said, "maybe it could work out for them, too."

Edward was still holding Emmett back. Not that he could do it alone. "Hmph," Edward mumbled, "with Rosalie in Forks? Fat chance! She'll find out soon enough."

Emmett growled, struggling against Jasper and Edward's grip.

Bella backed away, eyes widening to the sight. She never could get used to it.

Alice embraced Emmett, laughing quietly to herself. He snapped at her, but she flitted away. Jasper pulled her aside, letting go of Emmett. "Let him be," he whispered to Alice.

"Jas...per! Get back...here!" Edward struggled to speak with the weight of the grizzly against his chest. He tried to hold the bigger man in place.

The dark haired girl disappeared down the hall, and Emmett went mad trying to chase after her. If he was human, blood would have pounded in his ears. But since he wasn't, he just craved for her blood, wishing to hear it pound in _her_ ears.

"Get him out of here!" Bella shouted, panicked. She knew, from experience, what could happen to vampires when the had found someone who's blood sang to them. Edward was of the minority, the strict few who could go against their nature and actually control the urge.

"It's a bit...difficult!" Edward was still struggling to hold Emmett, even with Jasper trying to assist him.

"I'll help!" Alice danced around her burly brother, locking her arms tight around the only gap in their grip-his waist. They had never realized how strong the pixie could be. Suddenly, the weight of the bear became easier to hold. They slowly pushed him out the double doors of the gym, down the hall, out of the main entry doors, and into the parking lot. Emmett was snapping the entire way.

Bella opened the door of the tiny little volvo, and shoved Emmett inside. With Alice's help.

Slowly Emmett stopped pushing his teeth against the glass windows. "What...was that?" he asked, breathless. He opened the car window, letting the smell of the fresh air dull his memory of the blood scent.

"You almost killed another human," Edward mentioned, trying to be brief. "A girl."

"It's okay," Jasper said, comforting his brother internally. "I wanted to kill her, too." Her, and every other human in the building. It had been that way for a while.

Alice hopped in the back seat, wondering what the attraction was to the humans. It wasn't so hard for her, after all. She'd been around Bella for god-knows-how-long, and she'd never wanted to kill her. Well, not much, at least. "Savages," she giggled.

Bella rolled her eyes as she climbed into the car. She looked slightly nauseated, likely from her experiences in a car with the Cullens before. "Can we get this ride over with?" She closed her eyes tightly, and her mouth formed into a straight line. She was sitting in the middle seat, next to Alice, and Edward climbed into the seat next to her.

"Always the nervous passenger," Edward murmured with his lips pressed against Bella's wrists.

"Lovers!" Emmett shouted, still grinding his teeth. "Can we hurry this up _before_ I want to kill that girl again? Aw, thanks, I just reminded myself again!"

Jasper smiled wearily from the driver's seat. "We're almost home. Carlisle will know what to do."

"He's...working..." Emmett gasped, still short for breath.

"Quit whining!" Edward shouted, glancing at Bella. Her eyes were still firmly closed. "We all have to go through it sometimes!"

"Shut it!" Emmett growled. His fist shot through the passenger window.

Emmett was right, unfortunately. Carlisle was not yet home from work. Luckily for the Cullens, he was starting to calm down. Edward was smart enough to know that Emmett had not forgotten the human girl.

Emmett had taken to watching the new TV Edward had bought after his "outburst" on Bella's birthday the previous year. Unfortunately, the usual program he watched-"World's Deadliest Predators" on Animal Planet-was not helping.

"Come on, Emmett," Edward said, being careful not to rouse Emmett's steadily growing temper, "Let's go upstairs."

Jasper swung his legs around the back of the sofa when Emmett left, grabbing the universal remote and switching the channel to Much Music. He sat in silence, enjoying the sound of the screaming band while Alice also sat there in silence. But she was pouting.

Leaping to the other side of the couch, she pulled the remote from his pale hands. She was afraid to miss the tribute to the Beatles on the other music channel, though they weren't really from her era. Alice danced around the sofa, grinning at her triumph. Jasper groaned with evident defeat, and then smiled slightly at Alice's adorable behaviour.

Bella didn't want to involve herself in the imprisonment of vampires in their own home, so she found a seat at the dining room table and picked up a piece of fruit from a plate. It looked slightly unusual, too perfect to be real, but it would have to be, to be in the Cullen house. Biting it, she spat out the apple with disgust. Styrofoam. She should have known that it was all for show, after all, the only person who ate food in this house was herself.

No one even heard the door close before Rosalie ran into the house. Hearing Emmett's strangled voice upstairs, she ran up to greet him, arms outstretched. Needless to say, she was disappointed.

"Her name is Natasha. She likes crazy rock bands, facebook, and band tee-shirts." Edward sighed as he finished telling the girl's life story. Emmett couldn't hear enough. In order to get this cache of information, he had to read the girl's mind all morning. "Maybe Jasper should date her..."

Emmett growled menacingly. "I never wanted to date her in the first place!" he licked her lips. "She's just so..._appetizing_."

Edward grimaced at Emmett's conversational way to mention consuming humans. Well not consuming, exactly, just drinking their blood. "Don't think about that, Emmett! I can't afford to have you go all grizzly bear on us again!"

Rosalie appeared in the doorway, tapping her long fingernails against the frame. "Emmett...don't you remember the others? How you lost control over the ones who's blood sings to you the way Bella's sings for Edward?" She tried using the technical terms. The ones Edward had been using after his suicidal trip to Italy.

Emmett nodded shamefully. He remembered how great the bloodshed had been, and how, at the time, he had hardly regretted their deaths at all. He could not express how much he appreciated the golden-haired angel staying with him when he wasted the blood the first time. Rose had helped him, soothed him, the same as she still stood. Trying to understand.

"This girl's blood sings? You need to plug your ears! Do whatever it takes, but don't hurt her." Rosalie smiled at him. "Don't give in again."

Edward slipped out of the room, content to leave Emmett and his wife alone. Emmett would have very little trouble distracting himself from thoughts of the human girl with Rose in the room.

Edward bounded down the stairs, and Bella was still searching for some edible food. "What's the matter?" He asked, pressing his hands to her human-pale forehead. Today, she was no paler than usual.

"I don't feel so well," she replied. "With the talk of blood and devouring humans..." She gasped slightly as Edward began cradling her in his arms. She started to lie. "I'm fine now, actually. Feeling much better. And I'm not so hungry anymore..." Not after eating her way through all that fake Styrofoam fruit.

"Liar," Edward laughed, and began asking her what she wanted. She compiled the short list of asprin, apples, and water, and then they both headed to the store. Edward tried to keep the pantry stocked with food for his human fiancée, but sometimes it was difficult to keep up with her needs.


	2. Bound to Backfire

Alice was so happy for Emmett. She was thinking of a black and gold theme for Emmett's wedding, and also began sifting through possible choices of human husbands for Rosalie. She grinned with her own delight.

"You're doing that thing again," Jasper whispered.

"What thing?" Alice asked coyly. She knew very well what she was doing.

"Meddling! Alice, you can't just keep setting up humans and vampires! It's bound to backfire eventually."

Alice smiled again. "Emmett was human when Rosalie turned him..."

"He was being savaged by a bear!" Jasper took a very deep breath. "Awe, Alice...If I didn't know better, I'd say you were crazy!"

She hugged him. "I_ did _live in a mental home..."

"We have to move," Rose said sternly.

"We already moved because of me killing humans damn humans before! And I can't do that to Edward. Don't you remember that last time he was away from Bella? You know he would want to come with me."

She bit her lip. "Oh. Right."

He sighed, and settled into the armchair. "I can't leave. Haven't you ever felt an odd connection to someone?"

"Um yeah, genius! You!"

He growled at her, and then savagely lifted her into his arms. But what about the damn humans...?

Meanwhile, at Forks Thriftway...

"What kind of water do you want? Aquafina?" Edward was trying to rush Bella along. It hadn't been easy, after she tripped over two runaway cans of pizza sauce.

"No, maybe the other kind. Aquafina tastes suspiciously like tap water."

"That's because it _is_ tap water," Edward huffed.

"Oh." Bella looked down awkwardly. Showoff. Did he _have _to know everything?

They wandered around, and then the brown-haired girl saw them.

"Is she..." Bella gasped. "Is she the goth girl Emmett likes?"

"Not goth," Edward replied, "She prefers the term 'hard-core'."

The girl's eyes widened as she stared at them, first walking away, and then turning her head to stare as she methodically walked past.

"She knows," Edward said slowly. "She knows what I am..."

Bella crossed her arms. "How could anyone _not _know?"

The girl stopped in the isle and turned around, walking briskly toward them. "Um...Edward? I heard that your brother is going to be home this weekend. Could you pass this along to him?" She passed him a square of notebook paper, sloppily folded in half. Edward immediately wondered how the girl had known she would see them there.

"Sure," Edward replied, just slightly sarcastically. The girl walked away, a little bit of a skip in her stroll.

Bella poked his granite arm. "How did she know we were coming here? Or that Emmett's home?"

"It's not uncommon for the Cullens to have...stalkers." He flipped open the note, as if he didn't already know what was on it.

It read, "Emmett, would you like to hang out tomorrow? 354-2567♡"

"Oh. My. God." Bella's voice exceeded panic as she looked at the paper in Edward's hands.

Emmett was still with Rose when Edward and Bella came through the door. By this time, they had moved from the bedroom to the living room.

Edward waited surreptitiously by the piano. Obviously, they barely noticed him. It annoyed him that vampires could be so unobservant. Finally, he could wait no longer. "Emmett, I have a message for you."

Emmett stopped, looking as dead as he really was. His lips were frozen around Rosalie's. She broke the embrace.

"Honestly, Edward, I'm sure it could wait. You didn't have to intrude." Her gold hair formed a cold wave around her shoulder.

Bella shifted uncomfortably as if to say, 'We're not the ones making out in the living room...'

"I don't think it can wait." Edward assertively tossed the piece of paper to his brother.

It took Emmett a second longer than Edward to read the note. His eyes glazed over, and Edward realized what he had done by bringing this piece of the girl into the house. The paper had her scent on it.

"Oh, so that's what's going on." Rosalie's voice echoed in a way that reminded Bella of some kind of giant, beautiful, and frightening goddess. "You're planning on having a hot date with that little _human._ I can fix that." She cracked her knuckles threateningly.

"Now Rose, please listen!" Emmett pleaded. "I never even saw the girl before today!"

"But you _did_ see her today." And Rosalie ran up the stairs.

Alice was watching the whole scene from the couch in the living room. She and Jasper had front row seats to the biggest fight Rosalie and Emmett had since 1976.

"I really didn't see that coming," Alice whispered into Japser's ear. It was the only thing she hadn't seen coming in a while.

"Alice! Rosalie has a long memory. She's _never_ going to forgive him for that one. What did you say to get that human girl to ask Emmett out?"

"Well I told her that he was coming home, and looking for a date. It didn't take much convincing...I guess she already had her eye on him." She smiled sheepishly.

They got up from the couch, attempting to go upstairs and talk some sense into Rosalie. Then they realized that Edward and Bella had heard the entire conversation.

"Alice? Did you do this?" Edward leaned forward expectantly.

"I only helped it along," she defended.

Jasper took Alice's arm, holding her in place. Bella gently took her shoulders, trying to comfort her. "Not all humans and vampires work well as couples. Rosalie's already had so much trouble, and now this? This shouldn't be a game."

"Well I already picked out a husband for Rose. He's a little bit young, but you remember that little guy Mike, right?"

Bella's eyes widened so much that Edward couldn't help but stare. And laugh. But Alice needed to give this matchmaking service up before the Cullen clan got as bad as James' clan had been!

While all that was going on, Emmett just stood there, head in hands, trying to tune them all out. "Alice, it's just wrong, and you know it!" he finally exploded. Had he been human, he would have been crying, "Now Natasha wants to date me, Rosalie thinks I've cheated, and everything is ruined!"

And to make things even worse, Alice whispered, "You forgot that Mike Newton wants to date Rosalie..."

Emmett screamed as loudly as being a vampire allowed, and the police sirens sounded from all over Forks. Edward covered Bella's ears in preparation, concerned that the sound would shatter her eardrums. It probably would have, had they not been insulated by his granite hands.

And that was when Carlisle walked in through the front door.


	3. Doorbell

Chapter 3: Doorbell

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Carlisle asked quietly. There was no need to shout when everyone had super-hearing. "I think that all the authorities are searching for an assault victim. Which would be you, Emmett. Please tell me what's going on."

Emmett was shaking as if he stood on an earthquake fault line. Edward stepped forward, protectively pulling Bella with him.

"I think it would be best if Alice explained," Edward said, "since it's all her fault!"

"Well I don't think..." The pixie smiled sweetly. "Well how could you say it's all my fault? A lot of it should be blamed on human attraction."

"Alice..." Carlisle warned.

"Well," she began, "it all started when I met Natasha in Port Angeles. She was really pretty, and shopping at an awesome store, so I expected her to be amazing right away! I went up to her and said, 'Hi!' and she said, "Hi...who are you?'. 'I'm Alice,' I said, 'Do you want to be friends?' and she said yes, of course!

"So later that day I told her that Emmett was free this weekend. And then I told her that at exactly 4:36 PM Bella and Edward would be at Forks Thriftway, so she should give Edward her date note for Emmett." she giggled softly.

"How did you know that Bella and I would be at the store?" Edward demanded, instantly suspicious.

"You two are so predictable," Alice admitted foolishly.

"What does all that have to do with the shouting?" Carlisle asked, a little too loudly.

"Let me finish!" Alice bounced up and down. "Anyway, so I set Emmett up on a date with the beautiful goth girl, and then I told Mike that he should work up the courage to ask out my hot sister, Rosalie. But then Rosalie found out about Emmett, and thought that he was cheating. Okay! Done!"

"Mike Newton?" Carlisle couldn't believe it. "I thought he liked Bella..."

"So did I!" Edward exclaimed.

"Honestly," Bella said, "This just gets weirder and weirder..."

"Anything else?" Carlisle asked, still a little _under_whelmed by Alice's behaviour. She'd done much worse in her years in his home."Murder? Or just more dates?"

"Oh yeah!" Alice shrieked with delight as she realized how she'd forgotten the most important part of the story. "Natasha's coming over tonight!"

Just shortly after that, Esme arrived, talking all about her new interior design project. She was flitting around, so excited to tell them all about her colour schemes, and show them the fabric samples.

Carlisle held his arms firmly around his wife's shoulders as she laid her binders across the table. "You have to prepare dinner tonight," he said.

"Oh," She said, smiling at Bella. "Well you know you're welcome any time, honey. I'll run out to the store and get some ingredients. I know my cooking's not the greatest, but you don't mind, do you?" Her cheerful rambling eased the atmosphere.

"Not just for Bella," Carlisle said. "_Alice_ is having guests tonight."

Esme's expression turned to immediate confusion. "Well you know I don't mind parties. Just be _careful._" They all knew what that meant.

Alice trotted to her would-be mother. "It's not just a party. Natasha might be staying a while. She's going out with Emmett tomorrow, and then she might even get to be my sister!" She almost seemed proud of the trouble she'd caused. Well not _almost_ proud.

Esme's face fell. "Are Emmett and Rosalie fighting?"

Rosalie appeared in a flash. "No, we are not fighting!"

"We aren't?" Emmett's face brightened.

Rosalie's chest rumbled. A growl.

"That's fine!" Esme shouted, putting a hand between them. "Alice's friend can come over tonight."

The dinner was prepared, candle-lit with flowers laying in a white vase on the table. The first was Esme's doing, but the rest was all Alice. The boys-using a very loose definition of the word-had relocated to the living room, by the wide screen television. At least _that_ was female-free.

"First," Alice said, "We are going to do manicures, and then we're going to play truth-or-dare!" She was acting like a fourth-grader.

"I have a feeling I'm going to regret ever meeting you...," Bella mumbled.

"And then," Alice continued, ignoring Bella completely, "We're going to reminisce about the first time you met Edward." She sighed dramatically, clutching a hand to her chest. Normally you would feel a heartbeat there.

"It wasn't _that _romantic. Not that you would know. It was Biology, and he was trying to keep from ripping my throat out-"

"Save that for when Natasha comes over!"

The doorbell rang.

"That must be her!" Alice sang.

It rang again. And again. And by the third time, Bella was covering her ears."

"I like her already," Bella moaned. Heavy sarcasm.

Alice finally decided to answer the door, and everyone made their way to the living room. Actually, Rosalie _skipped_ to the living room, and threw her arms around Emmett's neck. She gave Bella a terrifying look that she recognized as meaning, 'If that girl tries anything, I'll kill her.'

Alice waltzed in with Natasha, grinning at Bella and Rosalie. Natasha's eyes wandered all over the place, the chandeliers, the staircase, and the high ceilings. Her eyes met each of the Cullens, and Jasper was the only one who remained a safe distance away.

"This is Natasha," Alice announced, as if they didn't already know. "She's going to be my _sister._" Emmett groaned so loudly that everyone turned around to stare at him. "Natasha, this is my family. Bella, Edward, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, and _Emmett._"

They all smiled, perfect family members. Everyone but Rosalie.


	4. Explain Yourself!

Chapter 4: Explain Yourself!

Dinner was uneventful. The only ones who attended were Carlisle, Esme, Bella, Edward, and Alice. Had Jasper and Emmett come, Natasha would have probably been the one on the plate. Rosalie simply refused to attend. A good thing, too. She wouldn't dare drink Natasha dry-God forbid she contaminate herself-but she _could_ kill without spilling a drop of blood. No one wanted to be reminded of what had happened to Rosalie's _first_ fiancée.

Natasha guessed immedietly that they were vampires. What else could they be? They were beautiful, sophisticated, pale, and ate _nothing_. She recognized Isabella Swan after a quick glance. Clumsy, pretty, and very smart, she was the largest product of gossip at Forks High School. Especially after she captured the interest of Edward Beautiful Cullen. As Edward glanced directly at her, she quickly restrained her thoughts. She couldn't seem to think clearly with his eyes on her. All of the Cullens seemed to have that effect on her mental state.

Alice could take the silence no longer. "C'mon, Natasha! Bella! Let's go!" She tried to remember that the girl was not supposed to know that they were vampires, but she couldn't slow down. She pulled them into her bedroom, flitting around to gather nail-polish from random drawers.

They all sat cross-legged on the wooden floor. Natasha looked around, laughing at the absence of beds. After seeing the way Alice and Jasper looked at each other, she doubted much sleeping went on anyway. If she could only find the dark basement with the coffins...

"Ouch!" Alice had grabbed hold of her hand, a little too quickly, and all of the nails on each hand were painted a startling blue. She couldn't help but laugh at that. In all the horror movies she'd seen, she'd never seen vampires use nail-polish as a method of torture. Or super-speed as a way to paint nails faster. Even funnier, Alice was complaining that the polish wasn't drying fast enough.

Bella thrashed around as Alice fought her, trying to put the fuchsia polish on her square, bitten nails. She protested heavily that there was no need, that the polish would chip in one day anyway.

"Bella! If you don't want me to go nail-painting, then I want to play truth-or-dare!" Alice was shouting even louder than usual. For someone so small, her voice was so loud.

"Fine," Bella huffed, "but you have to go first."

Alice turned to Natasha. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare!"

"I dare you to...walk into Emmett and Rosalie's room!"

Bella gasped. That was a little bit risky.

"That's easy!" Natasha shouted, making her way to the door. "What room is it?"

Alice pointed.

"Natasha," Bella warned. "I wouldn't. I mean, please think about it. Rosalie has a quick temper..."

"Whatever!" Natasha grinned. "I never back down on a dare! That's the rule of the game!"

She walked down the hall and up to Emmett and Rosalie's door. Hesitating momentarily, she thrust open the door.

"No, Emmett!" Rosalie shouted as Emmett made his way over to Natasha.

"Hey Natasha," he said. "I'm Emmett. I'm really sorry if I scared you the other day in the school. I'm cooler now, and I've got better control!"

"Emmett," Rosalie warned, "don't say so much!"

"Crazy vampires...," Natasha muttered.

"What did you..." Emmett was incredulous, at first, but then he grinned and swept her into a bear-hug. All while fighting the instinct to rip her head off. But how could he, anyway?

Alice smiled delicately. "My work here is done."

Edward had been teaching Emmett to have better control. The 'cooler' part was Emmett's own view of things. The improvement in Emmett's control was evident, however, he only wanted a friendship with the human girl, because anything might–as Edward put it–end badly. Emmett and Natasha had hugged, and talked for a bit, but Emmett wanted nothing more. Well, that was what he told himself, so that he wouldn't get too close to her again. The thing that terrified Emmett at the moment was having to leave Forks, and incidentally, leave Natasha behind.

Natasha went back to Alice's room, and Alice had a new game to play.

"It's called 'Explain Yourself!'" Alice said, leaping over to Natasha. "I ask questions, and you defend your answer."

"Okay," Natasha said, "you go first."

"Bella! Since you said I didn't know, explain why when you and Edward first met it wasn't romantic."

Natasha leaned forward in interest.

"Well," Bella explained, "Edward said that on that day he was thirsty, and I was making things difficult. I flipped my hair over my shoulder in his direction. At that moment, Edward said he planned my death. And while he blames none of it on me, I know that his thoughts while he planned my death were hardly romantic. As I said."

Alice nodded, and grinned at the memory of Edward shouting how much he _hated_ Bella. How much she had destroyed the life he had tried to build. And most of all, how Bella had made Carlisle distrust him. For a mind reader, he obviously hadn't been reading Carlisle's mind. Carlisle knew that he'd work it out somehow. Edward always did. Now he lived _for_ Bella, and, as they discovered, he couldn't live without her.

"Okay! Natasha's turn!" Alice specified.

A sudden heat entered Natasha's voice. "Okay, Alice! Explain why you set me up on a date with Emmett when he's _married." _

"Awe!" Alice exclaimed. 'Unfair! I love my sister Rosalie, but I want Emmett to realize his options!"

"Options?" Bella asked incredulously. "He's a vampire! Rosalie _is_ his only option!"

"How much does Rosalie hate me?" Natasha asked, very quietly.

"Only slightly more than she hates _me_," Bella mumbled.


	5. Preparations

Chapter 5: Preparations

"I'll destroy that girl!" Rosalie shouted.

"Quiet, Rose. She's sleeping!"

"All the better, then. All I have to do is snap her neck!" she made a twisting motion with her clenched fists.

"Rose, please don't be jealous. You're my angel, and you saved me. I don't love anyone else on this earth like I love you." Emmett took her hands.

"Wow, Emmett. I didn't know you had such an extensive vocabulary," Rosalie said sarcastically.

"Well," he grumbled, "usually you just say you love me, and then..." he felt no need to continue.

Even if she was human, she wouldn't have blushed. "You mean it then? You don't want the human girl?"

"I love you, my Rose. Want and love are two totally different things...No, I don't want her as much as I want you. And not in the same way. I want her _blood_. You..."

No vampire could overpower Emmett when he wanted something. Not that Rosalie tried to overpower him...

"Bella?" Edward knocked on the door. "Bella, I need you for a second..."

Bella practically leapt into the hall. "How many seconds?" She tried to be flirtatious.

"Silly Bella. I should have re-phrased that. I need to _talk_ to you for a second."

Bella sighed. "Fine. Lead the way."

He didn't believe in leading. He' much rather pull her into his arms and take her there himself. Vampire style. He quickly warned her to close her eyes.

Suddenly they were in his room, on the black leather sofa, too fast for Bella to even realize that he had been running. It was only across the hall, after all.

"I hate you," Bella muttered playfully.

"Sure, sure..." Edward had a wide grin on his stone face.

As Bella settled into the soft leather, Edward grew slightly more serious. "Alice has really outdone herself this time," he admitted, dark copper eyebrows knitting together. "We have to get the human girl out of the house."

"Well it's not really an issue. I mean, Emmett's found control somewhere _very deep down_, and Natasha's getting along with him famously."

"That's precisely the problem." Bella was confused by this, and then, by studying his face, she knew what he meant. Edward studied Bella, too, before continuing. "I've been looking into Emmett's mind," he said. Bella eyed him suspiciously. "For the girl's safety. He means only friendship, but I can see his attraction to her. I also know how quickly intention can change." he wrapped his arm softly around Bella's softly.

"But Rosalie...," Bella protested. She had seen how Emmett and Rosalie acted. They were like newlyweds.

"True love," he stated simply. "But _other_ loves are possible. Like you and that damned Jacob Black."

Bella nodded, knowing that it would be useless to say that Edward shouldn't insult Jacob. They insulted each other-that was just the way it went. If Edward hadn't come...If they hadn't fallen in love...She and Jacob could have spent their lives together. Easily. "Yes Edward, but you know I love you more."

"I know, but that's hardly the point." Bella huffed at losing the argument. At times, Edward could simply not be distracted.

Bella evaded the discussion. "We can't make Alice leave. I mean, I would, but it's rude, and Alice would be crushed."

"It's not that I want to make Alice upset," he clarified. "I love Alice. But I also love Rosalie, and I know how much it would affect the entire family if they left each other." he grinned. "Not to mention the catastrophic affect on our _wedding._"

Bella tried to smile, but only grimaced. Her _wedding_. She glanced at the ring on her left hand, and the diamond still terrified her. No matter how much she loved Edward, it had taken a considerable amount of persuasion to get her to agree to that one. She just didn't want to be _that_ girl. The girl everyone thought was so careless and irresponsible. And she was _very_ glad that Edward couldn't read her mind on that issue.

"That's soon, isn't it?" she asked, regretting the answer.

"Yes, fortunately for Alice. Charlie is extremely accepting over the issue today, unlike how he normally is..." He hummed his satisfaction.

Yes, she remembered Charlie, her father, and the look that had crossed her face as Edward announced their engagement. He had expected it, and his face had turned to grim acceptance. No doubt he remembered his own youth, marrying her mother, the young Renee Dwyer.

Damn it, Edward and his need to make things _official._

"So what are we going to do?" Bella asked. "About Natasha, I mean. I'm done talking about the wedding. If it weren't for Alice, I'd have done Vegas."

Edward's chest rumbled. "If only Alice slept...Then we could sneak Natasha away without her noticing."

Alice could be a problem. Only one more day, and then Natasha would be gone.

Morning came, and Alice spent all night preparing. Nothing was out of place. For the second or third time in the last two days, Alice ignored Jasper in an attempt to pick out a dress for Natasha.

Bella yawned and stretched, opening the door out of Edward's room. She was still half asleep, so Alice shook her shoulders. "Which one do you like, Bella?"

"Where are you going wearing _that?_" Bella stammered.

Alice was wearing an orange and white cocktail dress that was very short, and was holding an even shorter silver and gray baby-doll. "It's not for me! It's for Natasha!"

"Somehow, Alice, I doubt that a dress made for you will fit anyone _but_ you." Bella laughed softly, amused by the fairy's behaviour.

"Oh. Right..." She got that distant look on her face and then whispered, "There's not much time to go to Port Angeles, but maybe if we go really fast..."

Bella shook her head furiously.

"Well I'd ask Rosalie, but I don't think she'd appreciate me buying clothes for the competition." She giggled musically. "Maybe makeup can help the clothes situation."

She could hope, though humans always seemed desperate for dresses and other types of evening wear.

Alice attacked Natasha, who was fast asleep in a giant bed with a wooden headboard. Her teeth were grinding loudly, which made Alice feel slightly annoyed. How could she sleep on the day of her big date?

"Wake up, Natasha!" Alice shook her, and not gently.

Natasha glanced sleepy-eyed at the clock on the wall. "6:00? Generally I get more than four hours of sleep."

"There's no time! I have to get you ready!"

"You better hope it's six in the afternoon," Natasha grumbled.


	6. Victim

Chapter 6: Victim

Alice waited impatiently outside the bathroom in the hall. It was never used, or only used when they decided to give Bella a make-over. Recently Alice had sworn to leave Bella alone until the wedding, which she regretted. But that was long forgotten, as Natasha, her new victim, was trying on the perfect dress inside.

Natasha slowly turned the knob of the bathroom door, peering out. She had hoped that Alice would give up on her after the first fifteen minutes, yet the pixie was still out there, grinning.

"Oh, it's so beautiful! Emmett will just _love_ you!"

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Is this _still _about him? God, Alice, he's married!"

"Oh, I know...I was Rosalie's bridesmaid!"

"So I am just a product of your boredom?" Natasha groaned dramatically.

"For the most part. Now hurry up with the next one!"

Natasha thrust her arm through the second sleeve, and then stuck her head out the door. Cautiously stepping out, she had very little time before Alice tackled her and began fooling with the diamond on the front.

"I like the first one best. The dark purple halter with the dance skirt..." She rambled on in designer-speak. "And I've fitted it so that it will fit Rosalie with only minor alterations!"

Natasha gulped. She knew what Alice meant. That if she became dinner, her designer outfits could be recycled. Which was strange, considering that Alice usually threw out new outfits like the morning newspaper.

Alice took a needle and seam-ripper to the dress, making all kinds of adjustments to the once conservative style.

Then Bella walked into the hall, a cheerful expression on her face. Her cheeks glowed in opposition to her normal human-pale exterior.

"Bella!" Alice screamed. "I'm glad to see you're so happy!"

Bella grinned even wider. "I'm just happy that I'm not the victim this time."

"Victim...?" Natasha frowned.

"Time for your makeup!" Alice disappeared, returning with her arms full of powders and paints.

Natasha backed away. "This wasn't part of the deal..."

"What deal?" Alice tilted her head to the side.

"See you two later!" Bella laughed, skipping down the hall.

Natasha shook her head, now pinned to a chair by Alice. "She's getting more like you each day," she mumbled to Alice, who beamed.

"That was the original plan! Now be still!"

Several painful hours later, Natasha and Alice moved out of the bathroom. Alice had curled Natasha's hair, and swept it into some shoulder-covering mass. The thousands of bobby pins that kept the hair together somehow didn't show.

Her makeup was done to perfection, eyelids in teal powder, and white eyeshadow underneath her brow. She was wearing blood red lip-stain, and her cheeks sparkled with a pale shimmer that had obviously been inspired by Alice's vision of what Natasha should be. The only thing wrong were her eyelashes, because Alice had deemed them impossible to curl. Besides that, she had used all the good mascara on Bella the last time she had demonstrated her makeup expertise.

Alice sighed with frustration as she stared at Natasha, wearing the purple halter. For any normal person, she would be considered beautiful. By Alice's standards... "You'll do," she huffed.

"Where am I going, anyway? I guess going out to dinner is out of the question..." Natasha smiled.

"Well I think you two should go to a movie," Alice reasoned.

It seemed like a good idea, until a thought dawned on her. "If Rosalie shows up and attacks me, there'll be a lesser chance that someone will save me in the dark." She gulped.

"You'll be fine!" Alice secretly bit her lip.

They walked down the stairs and into the living room where Emmett and Rosalie were watching Nascar races.

"What'd you do to her, Alice?" Emmett turned away from the television. Rosalie smirked.

"I made her pretty!"

"You didn't need to do all that to make her pretty. She already is." He walked over to Natasha and fluffed her hair until it resembled the coiffure of a normal human being. He turned his head away from the scent of shampoo, afraid of how the luscious scent would make him react. He vaguely remembered Edward's warning about shampoo.

Natasha smiled at him, skin on her cheeks glowing a faint pink. Emmett's hunting instinct went wild at the more prominent scent of blood. He settled for holding his breath.

"If you put on a normal tee shirt and jeans, I'll take you to the ice cream shop." _And you'll be the flavour of the month,_ he thought, smiling.

Rosalie stood up from the couch, furious at Emmett. She crossed her arms impatiently.

"It's not a date, Rose, I just want to be her friend." he kissed her gently on the mouth. Well, as gently as he could manage. "And she will be my friend, whether you like it or not."

An honourary member of the Cullen clan.

Alice smiled triumphantly, and Rosalie nodded with grim acceptance. Edward walked in, a crooked smile on his pale face. No doubt he had read the girl's mind. He held Bella in front of his chest, and she was grinning, happy to have herself out of the family spotlight and in the presence of another human who understood. Jasper stood his usual distance, and Esme and Carlisle tried to prepare themselves for another addition to their enormous foster family.

And Emmett smiled, too

THE END!


End file.
